Catching the Craigslist Killer

He could be blonde. Maybe a redhead. In any case, he’d be smart to capitalize on a goofy smile. Even better, have one arm in a sling.

Whoever he is, I am on the lookout for him. And I will find him. Because the best way to find the Craigslist Killer is to post 67 items at a time on Craigslist, sit back, and wait patiently for him to show up.

How this all started

When my kids left for college, I decided to put my house up for sale.  I had a lot of stuff I had to get rid of. I figured I would just give it all to Goodwill. Then my friend said, “Why don’t you sell your things on Craigslist? I’ve had a lot of luck using Craigslist.”

“No way,” I replied. “I don’t want to deal with strangers who might kill me. Not to mention, I can’t stand it when people try to haggle. And anyway, who would want my old stuff? It’s just not worth the trouble. Especially the getting killed part.”

He laughed and said, “Literally, I have sold ROCKS on Craigslist. For a dollar apiece. ROCKS. I have made hundreds and hundreds of dollars. You should try Craigslist.” (Note: he has also managed to sell a boatload of broken mirrors.)

Anyway, he was right. I highly encourage you to sell practically everything you own, on Craigslist, right this very minute.

Not on Facebook Marketplace where all your Facebook Friends will judge you because they all saw that you are trying to sell a half-completed crossword puzzle book for $3. On Craigslist, where you can anonymously post all sorts of strange things, and no one will know it’s you.

As I wait for the killer to arrive, I’d like to share some insight with you.

Five Steps for Selling Your Crap on Craigslist

1. Carefully evaluate every single thing in your home. Picture the thing in your left hand, and the money you could get for the thing in your right hand.
2. Fantasizing about all that cold hard cash, decide it can all go. If you end up needing any of the stuff later, you’ll just buy duplicates.
3. Take photos of each item from its most flattering perspective. To ensure a fast sale, when taking the photo, put a puppy next to the item.
4. To determine a competitive price, Google the name of the thing plus “Craigslist” to see what it’s selling for elsewhere, e.g., “1950s Scary Clown Doll With Missing Eye Craigslist.” Then price the thing higher than what it’s worth, so buyers think they are getting a deal.
5. If you’re a girl, when you get a Craigslist inquiry, PRETEND YOU ARE A GUY. Even if the person inquiring indicates that they are female.

#5 is super important so I’d like to give you girls an example of how to pretend you are a guy.

Inquiry Text from Possible Craigslist Killer:

“Is the woman’s mountain bike that was only used once still available? I’m interested in buying it for my wife.”

My Text Reply:

“Yes. The bike was my wife’s, but she died. Not while she was riding the bike. The day after. Anyway, so I’m a guy, like I said, and if you want to see the bike, I just have to check with my boyfriend to see when he can come over so you don’t kill me when you come to pretend to buy the bike when you are really just coming over to kill me let me know a good time and I’ll get back to you.”

So, months into this project, I have sold nearly 100 items. I’m still waiting for my Killer. But sorting through the garage tonight, I found an axe.

I just posted it on Craigslist. And I’m feeling lucky.